Toxic Relationships: Surviving a Narcissist…

This is an article by Wendy Golden published in November 2016. She was involved in a Toxic Relationship with a Narcissist and in it she offers advice and reprise to others who find themselves in a similar situation.
Although I have highlighted the main points, you can find the original article here.

– If You’ve Managed To Escape – Count Your Blessings.

– If You’re With a Narcissist, You Can Bet It’s Toxic

It is a slow process of acknowledging that there is something terribly wrong with the dynamic between you and your partner, but not being able to walk away. It’s like a strange hypnotic state.

– When I’m Done Talking About Me the Conversation is Over.

When There’s Too Much “Me” There’s No Room For “We”

– Watch Out for the Tone

There is nothing more unpleasant than facing the work week after a night spent staring at the ceiling and crying, because the person who supposedly “loves” you has just finished chewing you up and spitting you out verbally, over nothing.

– Toxic Relationships Usually Include Verbal Abuse

– Real Adults Do Not Rage

– Bad Relationships are Modeled For Us

You may be wondering why I would tolerate this sort of thing. The simple answer is: I was raised in a very dysfunctional household. I have been wired to think that crazy is normal. This last relationship was a real eye opener. I have finally figured out – it took a while – that I do not have to allow crazy into my life. It seems like a fairly simple conclusion to arrive at, but for some of us it can take decades.

– Who Are We? The Ones Who Get Sucked In?

A narcissist doesn’t understand the concept of making amends, because they truly are never wrong. It does not occur to them. Those of us who know them intimately have become masters of looking the other way, of making excuses, of refusing to see ugly when ugly is standing right in front of us waving an enormous red flag..

-Whether Male or Female, The Narcissist is a Nightmare

There is no experience quite as humbling as giving your all to a relationship and discovering that the other person was not remotely committed to you or the relationship. While it’s slowly dawns on you that you weren’t quite paying attention, they’ve already moved on.

– Do Not Engage – Silence is Golden

Ultimately, that is the only way to recover from a toxic relationship with a narcissist – no communication.

– To Heal From It, You Have to Own It

It’s important to face the truth: A relationship with a narcissist will never be happy, and no amount of wishing and hoping will change that.

 


There are so many aspects of this article that I can relate to. Especially the verbal abuse. For me it was more mental – I would have days and sometimes weeks (once even months) of silence – no contact and then suddenly he would appear again all apologetic and lovey-dovey wanting to pick up exactly where we left off.

Our phone conversations were hardly about us. And when I would express the desire to talk about us. It was suddenly too late and he needed to go to bed.

They say the biggest key to recovery is FORGIVENESS.  And as I move along my journey towards recovery, I am beginning to let go and find forgiveness for both himself and me.

Daily affirmations and meditation have helped and the biggest credit goes to my Reiki practice.

Keep heart, This too shall end.

 

 

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