Warning: This is a rant! (from 2016!!!!!!)
am was a Fixer.
I used to attract relationships with men that needed “fixing” – commitment-phobic men, emotionally unavailable men, emotionally damaged men, alcoholics, drug abusers, narcissists and sociopaths.
It used to take a lot of effort for me to break away from these type of people, because to make matters worse, I am and Empath. So when I saw someone struggling with an issue or suffering in life, I automatically used to step into their lives, trying to fix whatever needed fixing, without considering twice what impact or harm it would have on me or my life.
Because of this compelling need to help and the emotional attachment that I form with people, I often used to get walked all over on. Leaving them or “abandoning” them was not an option, and there was no way that I could accept or deal with the guilt of this. So, I preferred to end up bruised than walk away from the emotional and mental abuse.
I know at this point you are probably thinking that this is going to end up a sob story of psychotic depths but no, .. this is about CHANGE… Changing myself and setting myself free from these shackles and learning to say NO! (Note: this may seem simple, but for me, no was taboo).
Change happened last week. It dawned on me that sometimes, no matter how hard you destroy yourself in the process, you just can’t help people. They refuse to come out of their own darkness, to fight their demons, because, what do you know, they are happy being where they are. I mean no offense to people dealing with and struggling to overcome any sort of psychological disorders (God knows I have my own), but when someone is bending backwards to help you, and you are aware of it, why punish them by sinking deeper just to “piss them off”. (Their words, not mine!)
Anyway so bawling my eyes out, and feeling left out in the cold, I decided that this was it. Enough! No More.
I have had enough “energy vampires” suck me dry and leave me in the dark to clean up the mess all by myself. I have evolved. I no longer can tolerate this kind of bull crap. If you are a man with issues, man up and deal with them before you jump head first into a relationship without thinking about what impact your issues will have on the other person. I ain’t your mama so don’t come to me with the hope of fixing your shit (pardon my french).
My friends, used to call me “Mother Teresa”, up until recently, when at he beginning of the year, I decided to let go of the honorary title. I am now beginning to like the new me. Strong, confident and able to stand up to bull shit and able to say NO, THANK YOU!. I guess it is never too late to wake up.