On Self Love… A Conversation with Myself

Have you ever taken up a project, put your heart and soul into it only to find yourself being sidetracked, delayed, and sometimes so far from the end result that you are exasperated.

For a while now I have been  battling my weight issue. I am 90% strict with what I eat, and believe that I am allowed to treat myself once in a while (that is when the 10% turns into a whole new battle).

There are some days, when after a guilty treat, I expect the scale to scowl or my body seem slightly “bigger” than the day before. But when I have been good, adhered to my feeding plan, and not cheated even once, it is frustrating and disappointing when there is no change or the scales seemed to have magically tipped upwards.

It is on days like this, that I feel like disappearing into a dark corner with a box of chocolates and just eating my heart out in  depression. On days like this I question my entire purpose for putting myself (emotionally, physically, and mentally) through this programme with no results to show for my efforts.

I am sure I am not the only one who feels frustrated and ready to throw in the towel. But, there is more to just this “bulge”. Sometimes, it is just beyond our help.

Our bodies go through a lot of processes that are continuous (burning calories, fueling, breathing, healing, aging, detoxing,consuming, etc). It is actually never at rest. Even when we die, because at that point the body will be decomposing itself. These functions sometimes are what contribute to the fluctuations in scale, or body (how we sometimes feel bloated).

We may acknowledge these fluctuations as part of the processes that take place in our bodies, but the problem arises when we become expectant of the body to look the same everyday. This only makes us more miserable and frustrated. Sometimes the obsession is so strong it may develop into anorexia or bulimia or even feelings of shame, anger, sadness that may eventually lead to depression.

The only way out of this is to Let Go! To let go and accept that sometimes the body needs to do what is does in order to maintain a healthy “self” on the inside as well. Sometimes, the combination of foods that we eat (on a cheat day for instance) may lead to Water Retention. This is a natural phenomenon that occurs as a chemical reaction between salt, carbs, fats and even alcohol consumed in small quantities. Water is weight, and obviously this means you  are going to look bloated, and the scales will go up. By counter balancing this with enough sleep and hydrating well, we could bring the effects of Water Retention down.

Another instance is during Menstruation. I always look more puffed up and the scale definitely goes up 4-5-pounds during this time. I am also unable to perform the way I normally do and this frustrates me more.  Then again, accepting that these monthly cycles are actually a way for the body to “detox” itself and slow us down for a bit on purpose is actually a good place to start with acknowledging body fluctuations.

I had, until recently,  been going through this destructive cycle everyday. Every morning when I stepped onto that scale and saw it moving upwards, I would tend to blame myself and question my self worth. And then my entire day would be spent hovering on negative emotions and self doubt.

But then I read an article that helped me make the shift. It beautifully explained that health and beauty are not just pegged on being thin. Instead to acknowledge the fact that I am beautiful because I am Living Healthy. And if that means being on the “bigger” side, then I shall be OK with it.

The article also had a beautiful quote, which I believe provides a good shift in mindset about  how not to be harsh on ourselves for the way we look…

Don’t change your body so that you can love it. Instead, change the way you treat yourself because you love your body.

At the end of the day, we need to focus on being healthy – both on the outside (physical) and inside (emotionally OK with the way we look). Our daily achievements are only gearing up towards a  larger goal that we should all bear in mind – to ultimately be healthy and allow our bodies to function at their prime. And not two days can be exactly the same.

So, although I do continue to monitor my weight daily, I do not cringe or beat myself up because of an increase in numbers. Instead,I acknowledge it, make peace with it and move on with the rest of my day.

I think, you should do the same as well….









18 thoughts on “On Self Love… A Conversation with Myself

  1. that is my problem. i know you are correct. but i am dying here. have yet to convince myself that long term gain is more important. can’t really fight as a t-rex, can i?


  2. Yes like today…i for the first time managed to complete a WHOLE week ( 3 days) of C25K… it was, as you put it, bearable… did u download it yet…and how is the wrist??


  3. glad to hear it. this is most important. the hard work does not become easy when you like it but it becomes more bearable. plus, when you enjoy it, you look forward to it even if you hate it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes…..true… and I can finally say I am enjoying it now. It is not easy…waking up at the crack of dawn, swimming, running with shin splits ( i think that is what it is) but its what defines my “crazy” now…. i love it


  5. yes, these realizations prove you are heading in the right direction. each body is unique and naturally, what works for one is not guaranteed to work for another. having said that, getting fit is never easy. hard work goes in it but the good news is whatever you put in comes back to you. you won’t be cheated out of it. this is the beauty of effort.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Everything was a “task” at the beginning and I was of the mindset that I had to do everything everyone was doing if I wanted to get where they were ( enter fitness models and bodybuilders and pro athletes). But as I got deeper into fitness, I began to understand my body is not the same as theirs. And I started filtering stuff that didnt help me. So yes… now I do what I like….but for me the aim is to ultimately get fit – losing weight is a bonus (but necessary to combat my medical condition)


  7. lovely thoughts. you are correct. there is an entire attitude behind fitness and health. it cannot be overly simplified by individual aspects of it. but i agree, self-love will carry you by more than a mile.

    Liked by 1 person

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