Of Love and Things of the Heart…

So, I have spent the last few days with my nose stuck in Shonda Rhimes’ Year of Yes. Being a lover of books, I believe that some books are meant to be read because of the messages they contain in them. Ever heard of the phrase, Life speaks to you through the books that you read? No? Well, you just did.

A couple of years ago, when I was facing a rather turbulent time in my marriage, Eat, Pray and Love (Elizabeth Gilbert) happened. That became, and still is a bible for me. The book literally spoke volumes to me. I was at a point where, having lost all sense of self, I could either continue to spiral downwards or pull the brakes on my marriage. EPL did wonders for me, and I can see Year of Yes becoming a second bible in my bookshelf.

One of the Chapters in the book speaks about “Letting Go”. It is not as direct as that but this is how I took it to relate to my life. I am a People Collector. In particular, I tend to hold on to people with whom I have had a relationship of sorts with.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I, just like you dear reader, would love to be smothered by another person. However, somewhere along the lines, things just go wrong. I do not want to turn this into some neuro-psycho analysis of my personality traits, but instead of fully shutting the doors on these “failed” prospects, I leave it a latch open. Not for me. For them.

My recent relationship was with an Emotionally Unavailable being. With all due respect, just like I am an empath and expect you to accept my craziness, I was totally unaware that I was seeing an EU person. It is by reading posts by Elephant Journal, such as this one here  that I began to understand where he was coming from.

 After being spun round the bush several times, and with a lot of uncertainty looming, I decided to call their bluff and just walk away. AND SHUT THE DOOR on him and everyone else. Yes,  this time numbers were deleted, blocked and Facebooks unfriended.

I did the same with the others. No need to hang on to “memories” that will not serve me in any way. How did it feel? Liberating! I am not responsible for the shadows they cast in my life. I am my own sun.

It has been a rough year (just two months in and I’ve already been through chaos) for relaionships with friends and family. But with every door that we close, we learn something.

Below is an excerpt from a poem that rang true for me. Hope it does for you too…

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

~ 1971, Veronica A. Shoffstall.


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