Of Wobbly Thighs….and Exercise Bulimia (Part 1)

So I walk into my favourite clothing store over the weekend, not with the intention to necessarily “indulge in the purchase of unrequired pieces of clothing” but more to get an idea what my “new size” would be.

Let’s face it, anyone who has lost a few kilos (7 in my case) after 10 years would be eager to try on a smaller size.

I know I have lost inches as my old clothes do not fit that well anymore. They loosely hang, which is annoying because nothing kills an outfit like a poor fit.

So there I was, in the fitting room having picked a couple of pairs of trousers in shades that would never attract me before (creams, mochas,  stone). Out of habit, I picked my regular size, and one size smaller.

Naturally, my size was loose around the hip and thigh area. Happy, and confidently, I tried on the smaller size. Well, this is where the the struggle starts. When your dreams crash.  When all the sacrifices that you made over food choices feel like a waste of your entire life here on this stupid size-oriented planet!

This is where you wonder why, just why everything is classified as ” Small”, “Medium”, or “Large” (to add a punch some stores actually have labels like “Extra Small” and ” Extra Extra Small”). Why don’t the retail gods think of “SMedium” or “Marge“, to marry off sizes for people like me…. just why!

Anyhow, stripping myself off the trousers along with my confidence and self-esteem, my gaze went to the mirror and Lo! And Behold! I saw something I – ME – have never! EVER!  seen on my self before! My thigh and (near) perfect ass had all lost definition and were just a wobbly mass of nothingness! WTH!! I no longer saw my teardrop over my knee while flexing; hell,  flexing was not even happening! All my squats and smith machine and leg press workouts had gone, vanished!

I stood there in silence. I thought I would cry. I could see the image of the frozen yogurt chocolate and mixed nuts Popsicle stand I had earlier walked passed conjuring in my head. But I stopped right there. Flicking the thought out like one flicks a stand of hair off their face with a shake of their head.

This was real. This was me. No weights, no squats, just plain me. I am currently a Work in Progress and I have committed to 3 months of fat loss without a gym. Just focusing on my diet and moderate exercise. This is where I have to be patient with no results on the outside yet, knowing that strength comes from within. Trusting the process. Trusting me.

I put the clothes back in the basket, left them where you usually leave a heap of clothes you do not want, and walked away, dignified.

Yes, the progress is slow. Yes, I still hadn’t truly dropped a size, but I was more determined to make the difference.

I had been messing around this whole month with my diet. But as of that moment, my commitment to myself was renewed. I would be more strict, more committed, and even more determined.

In the mean time, how about that chocolate  volcano cookie I saw in the coffee shop earlier? Come, lets have some coffee and enjoy the rest of this lovely sunny Saturday afternoon…

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